Last Regrets
by pandorapegasister
Summary: "It didn't matter if he was remembered for it or not. He would defend his home until the end." Octavian knew he was going to die. He heard once from a Lare that everyone had last regrets when they died. He knew he was no exception. He had tons of regrets, some big, some small. He just wondered, what is his biggest regret? What could he have done differently? Rated T.


**Hi everyone! This is my first PJO fic. It's also a songfic, but the song fits into the story as well. **

**I read the Blood of Olympus and I really wanted to know what Octavian was thinking when he was catapulted to his death, so BAM! Here's this fanfic.**

**In case you didn't realize already, I'm an Octavian fan. If you don't like Octavian, then that's fine with me. If you flame me for liking Octavian, then your flame would be deleted. Constructive criticism is always welcome, though.**

**Here you go:**

Octavian wanted to throttle the Fates.

Of all the ways he could have died, he had to go this way-being catapulted across the sky in a ball of fire.

What's worse, time seemed to slow down. Everyone seemed to be moving in slow motion. Octavian still felt pain from the fire burning his flesh. The slowness of everything around him didn't help. Instead, it intensified it.

He felt so stupid. He should have checked that nothing was tangled before he fired the onager. Maybe, if he succeeded in defeating Gaea, people wouldn't make fun of his humiliating death.

Cato the Lare had told him once about something. A person's life is too short, especially if that person was a demigod. Everyone had regrets when they died. Something they should have done but didn't.

Octavian occasionally wondered what his last regret would be. He decided to get as much power as he possibly can. He would be in control of everything. He would not have any regrets when he died.

But he does. He gained power, but that was all he had. People hated him. He had tons of regrets, some big, many small. What is his biggest regret?

He remembered a lullaby his mother used to sing to him when he was young, before he arrived at Camp Jupiter and became the pathetic snivelling jerk he considered himself to be now.

_You are my sunshine,_

His mother, he hadn't even said good bye to his mother when he left to attack this Graeci camp. He visited her, but he didn't say goodbye.

_Please, Octavian,_ his mother had pleaded, _I don't want my youngest child to get hurt._

Octavian had assured her that it would be fine, and that he would be home before she knows it. He hadn't said goodbye, as he didn't see the need to do it.

Now he would never see his mother again. Was that his biggest regret?

_My only sunshine._

His father would tell him that good Romans wouldn't be so selfish. One life should be sacrificed if it meant that it would save hundreds of others. Even if that life was his son's.

His father had never been very kind to Octavian or his seven older brothers and sisters. He was fair, yes, but he wasn't kind.

He would push him to do better and better, until he either achieved perfection or collapsed in exhaustion. That was how he became augur

During Octavian's last visit, his father put a hand on his shoulder and told him to be a good and loyal Roman and make him proud.

Octavian's father would be anything but proud if he saw his son right now, but maybe he could change that by killing Gaea.

No, that wasn't his biggest regret, was it?

_You light me up when skies are gray._

He was the eighth and last child in his family. All of his other siblings were as, if not more successful than him. They were all retired in New Rome. His eldest sister already had a five-year-old son.

His siblings loved him, but they never had any time for him. Nevertheless, when they heard about that stuck-up, rebellious Jason Grace, they wanted Octavian to take over as praetor.

He never would, now. At least he commanded the legion in the last month. Maybe that would be good enough for his siblings. Maybe not.

_You'll never know, dear,_

Octavian didn't have many true friends. Most of his gang was composed of people he paid. His mother and father gave him a giant allowance, so he thought, why not? He needed all the advantages he could get to gain power.

His gang followed him everywhere, and agreed with everything Octavian said. Before, he thought that the gang was enough, and that he didn't really need true friends.

Now, as he burned, Octavian couldn't help but wonder, what would have happened if he actually made friends with people? Mike Kahale definitely saw what was going to happen. If he was really his friend, he would have stopped Octavian from lunching himself to his death.

Maybe that's his biggest regret.

_How much I love you._

He saw the bronze dragon, clutching Gaea in its claws. The Graecus boy named Leo Valdez is sitting on it, blasting the limp form of Gaea with fire. Jason Grace and the one named Piper McLean were falling.

Octavian gritted his teeth. Leo Valdez was the one that started all of this.

He was exploring the Argo II and considering making a truce with the Greeks when Valdez's eyes turned golden. He punched Octavian in the gut and started firing on New Rome.

New Rome was Octavian's home for his entire life. He didn't have many friends but he had family there. Octavian had decided, then, to take his revenge on the Greeks. They had destroyed his home, so he would destroy theirs. That was the Roman way, his father had once told him.

He could feel his consciousness slipping away. He knew what to do. He would defeat Gaea. It didn't matter if he was remembered for it or not. He would defend his home until the end.

Valdez looked up. His eyes widened as he saw Octavian flying towards him. Octavian felt a surge of happiness. Finally, he can take revenge on the one who destroyed his home.

The demigod looked away, possibly at the bright light, and squeezed his eyes shut.

Octavian stared at the ground in shame. He hadn't said goodbye to his mother, he hadn't made his father proud, he hadn't pleased his siblings, and a thousand years after his death, people would talk about him and go, _Oh, Octavian? He was the jerk that catapulted himself into the air and burned to death in an explosion. Yeah, he was a pathetic idiot._

Most of all, he didn't protect his home well enough. After he died, Octavian knew, the Greeks and Romans would start fighting.

_That_ was his biggest regret.

He shifted his eyes onto the metal dragon again. He was twenty feet away, ten feet.

He sang, in a hoarse voice so quiet that he's sure no one could hear but he, the final line of his mother's lullaby.

_Please don't take my sunshine away…_

Octavian kept his eyes wide open during the explosion. Surprisingly, he wasn't blinded. Maybe the fates decided that there was no point in doing that. He wanted to remember how light looked like forever.

He smiled. It was a real smile. One of plain joy. Not the one he used to charm the crowds in New Rome. Octavian got a last glimpse of light before the world around him faded into darkness.

**Gods of Olympus, I love that song.**

**I'll also write a fic on Leo's thoughts in the explosion, as well as he and the Seven's reunion. Maybe I'll even write about what happened in Albania.**

**Should I make this a two-shot? Tell me in your reviews.**


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